Fatherhood: A Definition

Fatherhood.

Let’s see, what do the text books say about the experience? “Life-changing”, “Exhilarating” “Frustrating”, “Joyful". All very true, but they could equally apply to join a cult, or maybe learning to fly a microlight. They don’t really define what being a parent, and specifically a father in my case, is.

Just having reached my 30^th birthday (just be to be clear, this was an obstacle, not an event), it occurred to me that I’d never thought about what it was like to be a dad. I’d been nagging the wife (oh, the irony) to start a blog about parenting, covering areas like games, crafts etc. She does the most important job that any parent can do, which is bringing up our son full time. Over the last 4 years she’s gained an enormous amount of experience, and I really wanted her to share it.

Then one night on the train back from work, I sat down at the keyboard, and start to list all the titles of stories that she could write. Within about five minutes I’d got a list of about 20 stories, all of which I could write. These were experiences I’d had as father. So I thought that maybe I should start the blog instead.

My son, Sebastian (Seb) is, as I write this, 4.3 years old. We made it through the first 6 months (nightmare, no sleep, colic), through the frustration of not being able to communicate, through the solid food migration and through the separation of school. Now my wife and I have a precocious, funny, crafty, sneaky but ultimately fantastic little boy, whom I love more than anything in the world (this deserve an article all to itself).

He has his days. He has mood swings to rival Naomi Campbell, and the craftiness of a fox who, to plagiarise, has just been made Professor of Cunning at Oxford University. Regardless of that, he has the bright eyed optimism of someone who truly believes that the world is the best there is, and that’s its pretty damn good. If you’ve never been woken up by a 3 year old at 1pm asking if it’s time to go play golf down the park yet, you honestly don’t know what you’re missing.

So, about the blog. I think it will be aimed mainly at fathers. I think it will cover all aspects of parenting. It will probably cover things that are universal in nature, although with a UK focus. It will probably be updated as often as possible. It wouldn’t cover movies like Dodgeball or anything by Adam Sandler. In about 6 months, it’s quite possible that it wouldn't look anything like the above list. The joys of unscripted blogs are wonderful.

So, fatherhood. To me it means being more than earning the money, more than being there to help the child learn his ABC’s. It’s about understanding them, acknowledging them as a valid, strong human being, and most of all, learning to be their friend.

I hope you come along for the ride. I’ll make it as interesting as I can.